In Defense of Starbucks’ Unicorn Frappuccino

Imagine you get a bag of 5 cent candy at 7-11. You choose one of each kind of candy, assembling the perfect melody of sugary joy. Then, you forget the bag of candy in the car while you play a round of frolf on a hot and sunny day.

A couple of hours later, you return to the car and find that your bag of candy has sort of melted, producing one large melty sugary super candy.

Are you stoked?

If so, you will LOVE the new, limited edition Unicorn Frappuccino. I know I do.

Frankly, I am surprised and a little disappointed that my social media feed is not a constant stream of people with Unicorn Frappuccino selfies. I think this means that most of my friends are real adults now. Luckily, it seems that I am not quite there yet – so here is my review of the cotton candy coloured pseudo milkshake.

Purists will note that mine did not come with whipped cream. I typically opt for no whip, but I’m sure if you like WC, it would make the Unicorn even better.

If you:

• love candy of all kinds;
• think confetti cake is fun;
• enjoy the smell of Canada’s Wonderland; and
• ever wore Lolita Lempicka perfume

then you will love the Unicorn Frappuccino. If those things do not apply to you, you will probably not like the Unicorn.

How to describe its taste? Pretend there is a mango creamsicle flavour at Yogurty’s/Menchies/whatever frozen yogurt place you like. Now, imagine you topped it off with sour blue raspberry candies. That’s what this tastes like. It’s like drinking a blue slurpee while eating Sour Patch Kids.

“But, oh my god, isn’t it so full of sugar!!!!!!” Yes. Yes it is. And if you thought that a pink and purple drink called the Unicorn would be health food, then it’s going to break your heart to learn that most Starbucks frappuccinos are considered treat food, based on their nutritional content.

Would I drink it at 7AM? No. Would I feed it to a baby? No. But is it gosh darned amazing? YOU BET!